I knew not drinking at home would be easy, and it was for the most part. I am generally a social drinker, so dealing with the “temptation” at home was a non-issue. I saved an estimated $2,500, compared to my spending the year before, from not drinking at bars or dinner and not needing to use ride-share apps at the end of the night. Due to the COVID-19 Ponderosa, however, I did not lose ANY weight, and I’m currently trying to work off the weight that I did gain (more on that another time). Social situations of course a different story. I did consider alcohol to be a social lubricant, after all, so I knew that would be the real struggle.  One benefit of being in an international Pandemonium, though, was that I only had about two and a half months of regularly dealing with that awkwardness before things shut down. Afterward, I dealt with it much less often, occasionally explaining why I wasn’t drinking during Zoom happy hours or during dinners once restaurants partially opened.  

Before the COVID-19 Panorama shut down the U.S., navigating being sober in social situations was admittedly NOT easy. One aspect of this new “lifestyle” that I anticipated being awkward was explaining why I wasn’t drinking.  Some people asked if I thought I had a drinking problem, to which I’d explain that I didn’t think so but that there were times I thought my drinking had been problematic.  Others asked if I thought I’d go back to drinking once the year was up, and I’d typically respond with a “we’ll see how I feel when the time comes.”  However, what surprised me was the number of people who felt the need to explain their relationship with alcohol to me and explain why they didn’t need to take a break. In those situations, I had to pray to the powers that be to grant my face deliverance, because I was often confused what part of the conversation made them think I was recruiting like a Jehovah’s Witness for Alcoholics Anonymous. Eventually, I realized those responses had less to do with me and more to do with projection. Generally, though, people were very supportive. 

Taking time off from drinking taught me about my relationships with people and the differences between drinking buddies and friends. I first noticed this difference when I was at dinner with a few women I hung out with quite a bit in my “drinking days.”  During dinner, they were talking about plans that we would typically make together. When I asked a question about their plans, I instantly saw the discomfort wash over their faces. I got the “oh, we didn’t tell you about it because we know you’re not drinking, but you can come if you want.” Never mind that I wasn’t asking to be invited, it did take me by surprise that some people would choose not to include me plans simply because I made a choice not to drink. It was as if they thought I could no longer have fun nor be any fun if alcohol was not involved. This happened a few times throughout the year with different people. I realized that those were my drinking buddies, and that was fine because we just had not bonded on a deeper level yet. Alternatively, my friends checked on me and my journey and continued inviting me out, no matter how much they planned on drinking. They knew I wanted to work on being social without alcohol. They supported me along the way and held me accountable if I ever showed any temptation, and I’m very grateful to all of them. Not drinking really forced me to take a step back and note what relationships in my life are high-value and impactful versus fun but superficial.